Tag Archives: insomnia

Britain girl

So tired. Feels like I haven’t slept in ages.

Didn’t get as much done on my blog as I wanted to today, but I did get other stuff done, which is important too. I somehow managed to spend three hours getting myself put together this morning. Don’t ask me how that happened… I honestly have no idea. This is what I wore while I wasted my morning away:

F21 Basic White Tank

F21 Basic White Tank

Aeropostale Hoodie + Kennedy by Vanity Shorts

Aeropostale Hoodie + Kennedy by Vanity Shorts

Aeropostale Hoodie + F21 Basic White Tank

Aeropostale Hoodie + F21 Basic White Tank

It was really cute and comfy, and I almost ended up in this for the entire day, but I put together an outfit Friday that I have been dying to try out, so I changed.
(see bottom of post for all outfit info)

Blazer & Brit Tee

Earrings, Blazer & Brit Tee

I managed to drag Travis away from LoL and his computer long enough to go down to a nearby park and wander around in the fading sunlight, capturing photos of my outfit. Today I decided to wear my British flag t-shirt under my charcoal blazer with my denim shorts, black pumps, red clutch and aviator sunglasses. Perfect outfit for playing at the park. Well, except for the pumps, anyway. They were kind of a bitch to walk in across the grass. The pumps are vintage but in fantastic condition, the label inside says “Oh Deer…” and the bottoms are bright red – it was love at first sight with these shoes, especially because they were only $5. Who could turn down these shoes at that price??? They are one of the few vintage pieces I own (so far), but I fully intend to change that very soon.

Blazer & Brit Tee

Blazer & Brit Tee

Blazer & Brit Tee

I *love* this red clutch. It may very well be the nicest purse I own, and I instantly feel chic whenever I add it to an outfit.

John (father in law) called me “Britain Girl” all day today because of my shirt (which I snagged on clearance for $1… seriously. how awesome is that????). I seriously think this may have just become my FAVORITE outfit in my entire wardrobe. This was the first time I’ve worn the blazer – I’ve had it since last fall but I’ve been having a serious style blockage whenever I pull it out of the wardrobe. I was considering getting rid of it, but something finally clicked the other day, I put this together and – voila! The perfect summer outfit. I think part of the issue was that the sleeves of the blazer are actually long. I rolled them up to give it a more casual look. The black & silver printed scarf + the British flag t-shirt = my version of mixing prints. Surprisingly, my first adventure with print mixing seems to have turned out pretty well.

Clutch, bracelet & watch

I’m really loving the men’s watch look right now. I’ve been wanting a man style watch for a while now, and my mom got Travis one for his birthday last August. He hasn’t been able to use it yet, because it’s just a tiny bit too big. He really needs to take it down to the mall and get a link or two taken out of it. It’s a bit too big for me, too, but I found out today that it will at least stay on my wrist. So, I’ve stolen it and I’m wearing it till he takes it down to get it adjusted. Plus, my super awesome bangle watch from Bebe is broken. I need to find the receipt and send it in for repair – it has a one year warranty on it, and I just got it a couple months ago. I found the receipt right before we moved… but then we moved.

Vintage Black Pumps

Blazer & Brit Tee

I didn’t do a whole lot today – went to the store, explored the nearby park, and wandered around home, but it’s more than I’ve done in ages, physically speaking, and I feel pretty good about it. In fact, today was absolutely the best day I have had since moving to California three weeks ago. It’s crazy how the perfect outfit can completely transform your outlook on your day and your attitude towards the things you need to do. Even something as simple as running errands can feel glamorous in the right pair of shoes. I used to feel silly wearing high heels outside of work and clubbing, especially because I am kinda tall, but you know what? I finally decided to dress for me, and not for what other people want me to look like – and I feel so liberated. So much more free about my fashion choices. It’s definitely easier to get dressed in the morning, and if I want to wear heels, I wear them, and I don’t give a damn what other people think. I wear what I like, what I think looks good and what I’m comfortable in.

While I was at Wal-Mart today, I happened into the clearance section of the clothing and came upon a teal cropped Miley Cyrus jacket for $5!!! I’m so glad I finally had some money. I was able to get it, and while we don’t have a whole lot of money left, Travis’s 401k should be coming in soon. I already have an outfit planned for tomorrow, so I’m thinking I’ll wear my new jacket on Tuesday – though I may change my mind, it really depends on the weather. I definitely plan to continue getting out of the house over the next few days, so expect more photos with grass and trees instead of bathroom counters.

I honestly can’t believe I’m still awake. I actually fell asleep in my chair a little while ago, Travis woke me up and I almost went to bed then, but I wanted to finish this post. So here I am, an hour later, finally getting done. I am too tired to keep doing this to myself. I started re-arranging my blog today, but I will finish the updates and make over tomorrow. I’m going to bed now!

Do me a favor? Stop by my Chictopia & my Mode Republic and vote for the new outfits I’ve posted? Pretty please with a cherry on top? 🙂

Outfit Info::

Outfit #1: white tank [Forever 21], blue & white jacket [Aeropostale], denim shorts [Vanity]

Outfit #2: charcoal blazer [Forever 21], British flag t-shirt [Miley Cyrus for Wal-Mart], scarf [Vanity], denim shorts [Vanity], black pumps [vintage], red clutch [Unlisted], cuff bracelet [Forever 21], watch [men’s watch by Rumours from JC Penney], earrings [Charlotte Russe], cross ring [Vanity], aviators [Forever 21]

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my head hurts… still

Having a crummy day and not even sure why.

Didn’t get to sleep until almost 9:00 THIS MORNING and slept till almost 6 in the evening. WTF is wrong with me?

No outfit photos today, sorry. Like I said, crummy day. My tummy hurts. I just want to lay around and watch TV.

Hopefully will have my pay check by Saturday. Maybe once I get some sugar and caffeine in me I will feel better. Till then I think I will lay in bed and feel sorry for myself, even though I have no real reason to. I’m just TIRED all the time, except when I actually lay down to go to bed. Then I just have a massive migraine. There is something seriously wrong with my head and it HURTS like no other.

Ugh.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Hopefully. PLEASE.


self imposed insomnia

I’m absolutely exhausted. I should go to bed, but I keep telling myself I have far too much to do to indulge myself in sleep. That argument would hold more water if I weren’t wasting my night on Facebook.

Saturday was a complete waste… I will go to bed, but only because I want to start Sunday off fresh. Sunday will be productive. Sunday will be a new day, one that will actually mean something.

My stomach is killing me. I seriously need to start eating better – and significantly less. I currently weigh 134.4 lbs, with a BMI of 21.0. Ugh. I want to get back down to 118 lbs. Eventually I’d like to get down to 105 lbs. Starting Sunday, I will restrict… Sunday’s max is 1500 calories. I’m going to go grocery shopping and stock up on healthy, low calorie things to snack on, and diet soda. I think cutting back on soda would do wonders for my weight and my stomach problems. Drinking more water would probably help immensely too.

I realize that Sunday is Easter, but my family isn’t really doing much of anything to celebrate it this year, and I definitely don’t want to celebrate with T’s family. I’m not even Christian, so I don’t see any point in celebrating by myself. I’ll wait for Beltane… trust me, the Pagan version is a hell of a lot more fun!

Sunday will be a day of clearing my planner’s back log, getting things done, and restarting my body’s metabolism. In fact, I think I will go on a cleanse for three days. Natural foods and juices only. And I’m going to deep clean my house. I think that clearing my body and my environment of negative energies and clutter and junk will help my state of mind significantly.

So it’s decided… Sunday, Monday and Tuesday will be days of healthy foods, house cleaning and spiritual cleansing. Maybe it will help me get back on track.

I have a job interview on Monday at noon. I have a pretty good feeling about it. The woman I spoke with to arrange the interview seems really nice. I’m actually kind of excited about it… I want to go back to work, especially now that T is out of work too. Thinking I will write/perform a small spell to help me get a job as well. I’m actually hoping to get at least two jobs, a f/t and a p/t one, until we can get caught up… which I’m seriously thinking might be never.

I’m still kind of steamed at T for getting fired, but there isn’t much we can do about it now, and yelling at him for it will just make things worse. I’ll give him another day to feel sorry for himself, then he needs to get his ass in gear and find a new job as well. Things are too dire to fuck around right now.

Part of me wants so desperately to leave. To be alone. I want to find me again, and I know that I can’t do that with him constantly looking over my shoulder. But I can’t leave him now. He needs me. And although I need to be alone, to sort through this and figure out what I want, I always take care of others before I take care of me. So I’ll do the best I can, until it all blows up in my face (which it always, inevitably, does).

It’s so nice to write again. Even though this really is just mindless, unimportant dribble that no one really cares about and I very much doubt anyone will read…. it’s nice to get it all out there. To type out every thought as I have it and not give a damn what anyone thinks.

I’m terrified that T will find this blog.
But if he knows me at all, he’ll know not to read it.
But I guarantee he will.
And when he does, our marriage will be over.
Because it will show, once again, that he is completely and entirely unable to respect my privacy and my boundaries as an individual.
And that is something that I can no longer tolerate.

*sighs*

Tomorrow’s post will be more significant.

Good night, dear readers. Sleep tight.