Category Archives: My Life

epic failure + awesome win

So, yeah, I fail – no outfit post today. Today was a very not good day, combined with being a fantastic day. I’m not really sure how I feel about it yet.

First, the bad news: did you know that in the state of Utah, as of Jan 1 2010, you have to have the following to renew your driver’s license: your old license, birth certificate, social security card and two forms of address verification – AND if you’re a married woman who chose to take her husband’s name, you also have to bring in your marriage certificate. OMG. Freaking ridiculous. I have all of the above, EXCEPT I have no *clue* where my marriage certificate is. I KNOW I was probably supposed to frame it or sleep with under my pillow and treasure it forever or something, but I’m not most chicks, and it’s great that I’m married and all, but I would rather cherish my husband than the piece of paper that says he’s my husband. UGH. So in the midst of moving, I get to tear apart everything that’s still boxed up from our last move and find that damn certificate. Fantastic.

HOWEVER, on the much brighter side…

Great piece of news #1…. I won a contest 😀 Wicked Plum Vintage was giving away two pairs of some pretty crazy looking earrings, and I was lucky enough to win a pair! They’re definitely unique, and I am really excited to get them and try them out! Wicked Plum Vintage has some pretty awesome stuff, and I definitely plan on raiding their shop as soon as I get a hold of some $! So check them out – like, now please! 😉

Great piece of news #2….. T bought me my dress for my birthday (which is Wednesday, btw) :D. SWEET! So, tomorrow, you’ll be treated to two outfits instead of one! Isn’t that fantastic??? I *really* want a pair of sheer black tights with hearts or polka dots to go with it – it would so be perfect. But alas, I was unable to find a pair for cheap while at the mall today. Actually, I was able to find a couple pairs that I really liked at Forever 21, but as T had already bought me the dress, I unfortunately could not talk him into a pair of tights as well…. Oh well. Maybe I can save my pennies and get some before we go to Cali so I have a super cute outfit to wear as soon as I get there.

I’m kind of worried about the move… the fashion here in Utah is completely different from the world outside. There are some who are very fashion forward, but by and large, they’re much younger than I am. There are very few adults who wear anything more than a t-shirt and jeans outside of work. It’s depressing, and honestly, it’s a big part of why I want so badly to move. The atmosphere here stifles my creativity. My friends always called me the ‘fashion queen’ at my work, because I was the only person who kept an updated wardrobe… But frankly, I’m afraid that I won’t hack it in Cali. I want to be unique and have my own style, but I want to look amazing and interesting – not stick out like a sore thumb. And I’m afraid that these fears will prevent me from experimenting the way I want to.

“If you want to wear something, so what if no one else is wearing it, just wear what you want to wear. Do your make-up and your hair how you want, and sod everything.”Victoria Beckham, Learning to Fly

Victoria Beckham is an amazing woman. I admire everything about here, and I worship her style. I desperately want her book, “Learning to Fly.” If I only got one present for my birthday, that would be it.

Of course, owning something from her collection might be even better.
And I would give just about anything to meet her.

It was reading her interview in Glamour that made me decide I wanted to be a fashion journalist. I want to meet important, stylish people and find out what they think about life, style and the world in general. I want to find out what their lives are like and who they really are.

More than anything else in this entire world, I want to write for Glamour.

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unproduction

I’ve kind of been a posting slacker today – my apologies! I meant to post when I got up, but when I went to bed last night, I left several Wikipedia articles up on my computer and I started reading them as soon as I sat down this morning. Once I start reading something on Wikipedia, I end up reading Wiki articles for hours. I have a Wikipedia problem!

I haven’t gotten anything done today other than reading Wikipedia. Oh, and I did sign up for the new Body by Glamour program. I *really* want to get in shape and lose some weight before I get to California! I want to look amazing in my swimming suit so I don’t feel uncomfortable going to the beach. When I hit my goal, I’m going to treat myself to a new swimming suit (maybe even that white one piece I’ve been wanting!), assuming I have money to do so. I really hope that I can find a job quickly in California! I really need money. I hate being broke!!!

So, due to the unproductive day, there most likely will not be an outfit post, however I am going to get you a picture of the results of my new nail polish! I did the yellow on my finger nails and the pink on my toe nails, and I really like the way they look together. That photo will be posted soon!

In the mean time, I highly recommend you check out the Body by Glamour program. Add me as your friend if you join 🙂 My user name is fashion_nerd.


UGH – men!

OMG – he actually got pissed because I wanted to take a shower by myself.

He gets angry and upset any time I want to do anything by myself. He seems to interpret me wanting “me” time as me wanting a divorce… I have no idea how he makes that huge leap, but he does. So me taking my own shower is somehow a sign that I’m going to cheat on him and leave him.

UGH. Men. Whatever.

I have an interview at 2:00 this afternoon… Kinda feels like a waste of time though. I really don’t want to go.

New additions are forthcoming. I’m working on this while he’s taking his own shower… I wish he would hurry!


wrong side of the bed

Good morning! Just got up. I’m going to shower and get cute here momentarily so I can go to the mall and get my shoes 😀 I’m so excited!

T has managed to piss me off already this morning. We lost our mail key, and he was supposed to go out while the mailman was here this morning to get the mail. Well, he went out, he was here, and T came back in to wait till he was done with ours, and 15 minutes later when T decided to go back out, he was gone. I told him multiple times to go out there and he just wanted to lay down! Given the state my hair was in, and the severe stomach pains I’ve been having all morning, I couldn’t really go do it… plus I did it last time. It really pisses me off when his laziness fucks things up.

He insists on going to the mall with me too. He’s been on this kick lately about us spending time together. We’re home together all fucking day… all we DO is spend time together!!! When I get out of the house, I want to have some me time. Especially at the mall…. the mall and the library are the places I go by myself. He knows that too! It really ticks me off when he insists on tagging along when I just want some time by myself. There have even been a few times when he’s accused me of lying to him about where I’m going – he thinks I’m sneaking around with other guys! WTF??? I have NEVER cheated on him, and it really pisses me off that he doesn’t trust me enough to let me out of the house by myself.

Today has definitely started out on the wrong foot.


fashion nerd

(white tank: fruit of the loom; destroyed denim skirt: aeropostale; black wide belt: f21; scarf & stud bracelet: vanity; tights, bangle watch & cameo cocktail ring: bebe; b&w bangle: jc penney; pink bangle: vintage; b&w recycle/world/peace bracelet: walmart; flower hair clip: vintage)

The promised outfit photos… sorry there isn’t a full body one, but it’s awfully hard to get one of yourself! I was going for a summery look (because I’m excited to go to CA where it’s warm!), but my legs are so white there would have been glare in the photos if I had neglected to wear tights! I could have thrown a black cardigan over this too and it would have looked great. As it was, I wore it with my long black bebe trench coat and black ballet flats (Charlotte Russe) when I went out. It was cute and comfy and easy. Once I get some color to my skin, I plan to lose the tights and switch to some colorful flat sandals. When that happens you’ll see more pictures!

Added lots of new links on the right. Spent much of the day perusing fashion blogs and websites. Found lots of inspiration and things that I want – I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a job more than I did today! I wish I had money so I could buy all the gorgeous things I found today. *sighs* If you’re a fashion geek like me, you should definitely check them out! There’s some really great stuff on those sites!

I did visit the mall today, but I didn’t get there till a half hour before closing, so I didn’t have much time to wander. I went into Vanity and found a shoulder bag that I want, and it’s on sale… decided I have to sleep on that one though. If I still want it in the morning I can have it. I also found a pair of shoes at Charlotte Russe that I am DEFINITELY going back for in the morning! They are on sale for $15, but unfortunately I only had $11 on me. I was so mad at myself for not bringing a little more cash – argh! But, they are holding them for me, and I am going down first thing in the morning to get them. They are so incredibly cute!!! They’re super tall, but surprisingly comfy. They’re black, and I’ve already decided that I’m wearing tights in the morning so I can put them on as soon as I buy them. I’m so excited for them, I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep! I’m such a nerd! And you can bet your ass I will be posting pictures as soon as I get them!

I was able to get a beautiful cameo cocktail ring from bebe – it was on sale *and* I was able to use my Bebe rewards on it, so I was able to get it for free! I don’t have much in the way of rings, because I don’t normally wear them, but Liz of Late Afternoon is obsessed with them, and after reading her blog for the last six months or so, it’s starting to rub off on me. I’m slowly building my collection of rings, but I have to make sure to get ones that I love, otherwise I don’t ever wear them.

bebe cameo cocktail ring

This blog is turning more towards fashion than confessional… I think that may be because now that I have decided to move to CA, I don’t feel nearly so… so oppressed. There are still problems we have to deal with, and moving is going to be a pain in the ass, but knowing that there is beautiful sunshine and sandy beaches at the end of the tunnel has helped me immensely. I will miss my friends and my family so much, and I really hate that my mom and I have *finally* developed a good relationship, and I’m leaving… but they’ll get by without me. I need to get my life turned around.

A is angry at me for leaving, probably because she won’t have a free place to live any more (we’ve also been feeding both A & N, and loaning them tons of money for gas and cigarettes and tampons), and I don’t think it’s fair for her to be mad. If they were on the lease and/or actually paying us rent and not just mooching off of us, I could understand them being upset. But they’ve been here for a month, and they’ve given us $3. I’m really kinda peeved at them. If they weren’t so selfish, maybe they could understand why we need to go.

I’m *considering* changing the blog address… Comment or message me if you want the new address. I figure I should probably change it before I get too much of a following (assuming I ever get a following). But I like the one I have now, too. Maybe I’ll separate the fashion and the personal. I dunno. Argh.

Tired. I’m going to go watch Vampire Diaries and the Mentalist now. then go to bed. I have another job interview tomorrow afternoon at 2, but where I’m moving to Cali I’m seriously considering blowing it off… it’s not a job I can work for two weeks then stop showing up. Well, it is, but then I would leave the company hanging pretty bad and that’s just irresponsible. Plus, I really just don’t want to go. Kinda feels like a waste of time!

I’ll post photos in the morning after I get my bad ass new shoes from the store, so make sure to check in to see what all the hype is about! 🙂

P.S…. Look for some massive updates/revisions/additions throughout the day tomorrow!


escape from Utah

I’ve been neglecting my blog this morning because I got distracted… I found some fabulous new fashion blogs (blushing ambition & fashion for writers), some spiffy new stores (revolve clothing) and an awesome new fashion community (lookbook.nu). Unfortunately I can’t join the community (it’s invite only), which makes me very sad, but I can look and comment using my face book profile. Hopefully I can make a friend on there who will invite me! Some of the girls on there are *amazing*… I’ve already got ideas for lots of new outfits. I want to go shopping so badly! I hate being broke!

Part of my strong desire for a new summer wardrobe stems from the recent decision to move to California… Hesperia, to be exact. We’ll be moving in with T’s dad, step mom, step brother & step sister. I’m nervous, and excited, and terrified, and anxious, and worried, and exhilarated all at once. I think things will get better if we can get away from all of the negative energy and bad influences here in Utah. And if things don’t work out, we can always come back to Salt Lake in a few months.

What people don’t understand is that Utah is a completely different world than the rest of the US… some people are made to live here, within this little bubble, for their entire lives. I’m not. I can sense that there is life and light and adventure beyond the state borders, and I want desperately to get out and experience it. I’m sure it will lead to a whole new set of mistakes, but I refuse to repeat the ones that I have already made.

Now that I’ve made the decision, I want to go NOW… I’m too excited to wait. But I have to. Travis will hopefully be starting a new job on Monday (hopefully me too!), and we need to make some money before we go. We’re probably moving the last weekend in April – which is only two weeks away! I thought it was further than that… then I looked at a calendar last night. Wow! I’m considering pushing it back to the next weekend… but I don’t know. We’ll see what we can work out with our landlord I guess.

I posted on my Facebook that I was moving to CA… and my ex/best friend (we’ll call him TC) sent me an email… normally I’m really good at hiding my emotions until I can be alone, but when I read it I immediately broke down crying in front of T. It was all about how he doesn’t want me to go, he still loves me, he doesn’t think T actually loves me, he just wants to make me happy, etc etc etc. I sent him one back explaining my feelings for him (I’ll always love him) but that I have good reasons for going. There is no future for me here in Utah. There is only darkness and despair and a constant cycle of repeated mistakes.

It’s going to be hard. And there is a vast potential for things to go wrong.

But there is that same potential for things to go RIGHT.

And no matter how hard this gets, I have to do this to save my life.

I’m going to go take a shower now, and try out one of my new outfits. I’ll post a picture later, so come back often.

I have a feeling today will be a very post-full day.


indecision

Added a new page for my fashion exploits. Please feel free to check it out and leave me commentary. I will start posting some of my fantastic wardrobe creations tomorrow, so be sure to check in sometime in the afternoon.

Considering an excursion to the mall tomorrow. Not that I have any money to spend, but it could be fun to get all dressed up and pretend to be rich with money to blow. I could put together outfits and try them on in the fitting rooms and take pictures with my phone. Could be fun. It would get me out of the house and some much needed me-time.

I am definitely going to the library tomorrow, and quite possibly the coffee shop. Both places I can study and write, which I desperately want to do but can’t seem to concentrate or focus here at home. Too many distractions and too much negative energy.

I have a job interview in the morning. Wish me luck! I really want to get a job, even if we do move to CA. I want to work. After two full months of unemployment, I’m bored and I need a change in my routine of laziness and self pity. I am so sick of being stuck in the house all the time and never having money to get out.

I have to decide by tomorrow if we’re moving. Part of me really wants to go – this is exactly what I’ve been saying I want for years now. A chance to get away and start over; to go somewhere no one knows who I am, what I’ve done or anything about any of the mistakes that I’ve made. I would get to start completely over, but I wouldn’t be completely by myself.

But something is holding me back. I’m terrified we’ll get there, and instead of things getting better like I’m hoping, everything will just finish disintegrating. PLUS, as I understand it, the job market is in pretty sad shape down there. I’m afraid of not being able to find jobs and having to come back here anyway.

I don’t know. But I have to work it out by morning.

I think I will consult my tarot cards. Maybe I’ll even pray. It’s been a while since I’ve really talked with the Lord and Lady. Maybe now would be the right time to ask for a little guidance. Cuz I honestly have no idea what to do.

Maybe I do, and I’m just afraid to do it.