I’ve been neglecting my blog this morning because I got distracted… I found some fabulous new fashion blogs (blushing ambition & fashion for writers), some spiffy new stores (revolve clothing) and an awesome new fashion community (lookbook.nu). Unfortunately I can’t join the community (it’s invite only), which makes me very sad, but I can look and comment using my face book profile. Hopefully I can make a friend on there who will invite me! Some of the girls on there are *amazing*… I’ve already got ideas for lots of new outfits. I want to go shopping so badly! I hate being broke!
Part of my strong desire for a new summer wardrobe stems from the recent decision to move to California… Hesperia, to be exact. We’ll be moving in with T’s dad, step mom, step brother & step sister. I’m nervous, and excited, and terrified, and anxious, and worried, and exhilarated all at once. I think things will get better if we can get away from all of the negative energy and bad influences here in Utah. And if things don’t work out, we can always come back to Salt Lake in a few months.
What people don’t understand is that Utah is a completely different world than the rest of the US… some people are made to live here, within this little bubble, for their entire lives. I’m not. I can sense that there is life and light and adventure beyond the state borders, and I want desperately to get out and experience it. I’m sure it will lead to a whole new set of mistakes, but I refuse to repeat the ones that I have already made.
Now that I’ve made the decision, I want to go NOW… I’m too excited to wait. But I have to. Travis will hopefully be starting a new job on Monday (hopefully me too!), and we need to make some money before we go. We’re probably moving the last weekend in April – which is only two weeks away! I thought it was further than that… then I looked at a calendar last night. Wow! I’m considering pushing it back to the next weekend… but I don’t know. We’ll see what we can work out with our landlord I guess.
I posted on my Facebook that I was moving to CA… and my ex/best friend (we’ll call him TC) sent me an email… normally I’m really good at hiding my emotions until I can be alone, but when I read it I immediately broke down crying in front of T. It was all about how he doesn’t want me to go, he still loves me, he doesn’t think T actually loves me, he just wants to make me happy, etc etc etc. I sent him one back explaining my feelings for him (I’ll always love him) but that I have good reasons for going. There is no future for me here in Utah. There is only darkness and despair and a constant cycle of repeated mistakes.
It’s going to be hard. And there is a vast potential for things to go wrong.
But there is that same potential for things to go RIGHT.
And no matter how hard this gets, I have to do this to save my life.
I’m going to go take a shower now, and try out one of my new outfits. I’ll post a picture later, so come back often.
I have a feeling today will be a very post-full day.